Home

We are home. But home right now does not seem the same. I am myself still sorting things out. I feel guilty...is that the right word? I feel detached and think I want to talk about it, but, if you weren't there doing what we did, you might not understand. I want to just sit and think about it. I am thinking perhaps I could just go back and do this work. That is not something I have ever done in my life, always doing the safe thing, the right thing. But sometimes God speaks to you in unexpected ways. I did not expect to be changed even though I knew it was a possibility. But something has shifted. I am very fortunate to have a lovely home and a good job and great friends and so many other things, people and supports systems in my life. So does that mean I should fall back into those supports and not do something outside my comfort level?

It is a question I am wrestling will right now. When I came home I had to mop up a spill on the kitchen floor. I left the broom closet door open. As I mopped, I had a flashback to the many closets we saw in our work in Louisiana. I know it is nothing like a flashback of a soldier, but it was disturbing and somewhat jarring all the same. There is a war going on in this country. Our priorities seem a bit screwed up right now. All I can think of is "Starfish--one at a time being returned to the see...you cannot save every single starfish washed up on shore, but it sure makes a difference to the ones you do help."

Oh, God, I know You are still speaking...please, please, just say it now. Say what we should know and what we should do so all will know.

And so now that I am home I find my home is where my heart is. Now I just need to figure out where my heart wants to be.